Name: What ‘Healthy Strivers’ Share in Common
Uploaded: 2025-04-15T16:15:00Z
Duration: 1 min 38 s
Description: Jennifer Wallace, a journalist and author, discusses why some young people succeed despite immense pressure while others do not.

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Jennifer Wallace, a journalist and author, discusses why some young people succeed despite immense pressure while others do not.

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What ‘Healthy Strivers’ Share in Common

So what I did for this book was I went in search of the kids who were doing well, despite the pressure. I wanted to know what, if anything, they had in common. What did their parents focus on at home? What was school like? What were their relationships like with their peers, with their teachers? How did they see their role in the larger world? And I found about a dozen or so common threads that these healthy strivers, as I call them in the book, had in common. But it boiled down to this, the kids who were doing well, despite the pressure, felt like they mattered for who they were deep at their core, away from their achievements and successes. The kids I met who really seemed to be struggling the most were kids who felt like their mattering was contingent on their performance. They were only worthy, they were only valuable when they got the A, when they got into the good college, when they made the A team. The other group of kids who were also struggling, and this surprised me, but it makes sense, were kids who felt like they mattered to their parents, but they were never relied on or depended on to add meaningful value back to anyone other than themselves and their own resumes. And so what these kids lacked is what I call in the book social proof that they mattered. They heard it in words, but they didn't see how their little lives could impact anyone other than themselves. And so they had this really self-focused lens that really could set them up for mental health struggles.

Interesting. So they acknowledged the message. They heard it, but it wasn't felt on a visceral level, if you will.

Exactly. And it was not seen, they didn't see the proof of that.

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